Let’s assume if you’re reading this you’ve been to a guitar store (music gear store in general), and odds are you’ll have seen/been one of these guys. Some, are way more forgivable than others, after all we all had to star somewhere.
The Wayyy Too Loud Guy
This guy really wants you to know he’s there, really. The whole store is drowned out by his insistence on turning up a full marshall stack to test out a guitar he probably has no intention of buying. Bonus points if he’s shredding and not particularly well. We’ve all seen him….
The Child Prodigy
My personal least favourite, after all nothing like having your inadequacies highlighted by a child. No, matter how much you want to try out your next potential purchase, nobody wants to plug and play when a 10 year olds just busted out some epic skills… And the bonus round here is if there’s an overly proud dad making sure it’s obvious that’s his kid whilst filming it on his cellphone with no intention of buying the kid a new guitar.
The Wants Everyone to See Him
Possibly, a subspecies of the wayyy to loud guy, this guy will hop up and down and gesture to the store like he’s actually on a stage. Claiming to want to get a feel for the guitars weight and what it will be like to be on stage he really just wants some attention.
The Mistakes You for An Employee
Ok, this one may not have happened to everyone, but come on man, I’m not wearing a name tag. I don’t know where they keep the Roland sample pads. They’re probably somewhere near the rest of the Vdrum stuff though. Bonus points if you did know, sighed and told them.
The Has Never Bought Anything But, Tried Everything
If you’ve ever had a friend that’s worked in a music store they’ll tell you about this guy, he comes in often, tries everything, has them get things out of back etc. He’s mostly harmless, but it has to be frustrating when you know he’s going to try it in your store then find it somewhere cheaper online…. The slightly worse version is when they don’t have great hygiene….
The Knows Nothing Guy
This guy is clueless, which would be fine if he was totally new to his instrument, but this guy can obviously play. So, how does he know so little? You know the one I mean, the doesn’t know chain order, can’t tell a P90 from a Fuzz Pedal and generally spends ages hogging the assistants time assuming the guy is his own personal wiki whilst you wait to make your quick in and out cable purchase. Yeh, there’s nothing wrong with asking questions, but do you need to know about 50 unrelated products you’re not going to buy, whilst a queue of customers mounts up.
The Awkward Beginner
Ok, so I do feel for this one. We’ve all been there; we’ve decided that we’re done messing about with our friends instrument and we’ve decided to take the plunge on buying our own and learning properly. Or just want to pick up a new skill. Maybe you were a teenager there with a parent, it doesn’t matter. You’ve seen the guitar you want; you’ve asked friends done your research and your grabbing the one you want and someone suggests you try it 1st.
But, there’s one catch, you don’t really know how to play. Well, this is plight of the awkward beginner. He wanted to get in and out, but something went wrong, now he’s amped up and awkwardly staring at the guitar willing it to play for him.
Eventually he’ll hit a couple of bum notes, do a little twiddle he’s learned or play some open chords. Declare it all sounds good and rush to the counter to pay and leave as fast as possible. For him that was basically like headlining Woodstock with no pants on. This is the one time where having the wayyy too loud guy in the store was actually a good thing. So, why is this guy annoying, well it’s more the mutual awkwardness and flashbacks that’s the annoying bit than the poor guy himself. Although maybe I’m saying more about my first time buying an amp than anything 😛
Anyone who plays smoke on the water……. Anyone who mangles stairway……