Home RMW Articles RMW Features 7 Most Annoying Guys In Guitar Stores

7 Most Annoying Guys In Guitar Stores

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Let’s assume if you’re reading this you’ve been to a guitar store (music gear store in general), and odds are you’ll have seen/been one of these guys. Some, are way more forgivable than others, after all we all had to star somewhere.

The Wayyy Too Loud Guy

This guy really wants you to know he’s there, really. The whole store is drowned out by his insistence on turning up a full marshall stack to test out a guitar he probably has no intention of buying. Bonus points if he’s shredding and not particularly well. We’ve all seen him….

The Child Prodigy

My personal least favourite, after all nothing like having your inadequacies highlighted by a child. No, matter how much you want to try out your next potential purchase, nobody wants to plug and play when a 10 year olds just busted out some epic skills… And the bonus round here is if there’s an overly proud dad making sure it’s obvious that’s his kid whilst filming it on his cellphone with no intention of buying the kid a new guitar.

The Wants Everyone to See Him

Possibly, a subspecies of the wayyy to loud guy, this guy will hop up and down and gesture to the store like he’s actually on a stage. Claiming to want to get a feel for the guitars weight and what it will be like to be on stage he really just wants some attention.

The Mistakes You for An Employee

Ok, this one may not have happened to everyone, but come on man, I’m not wearing a name tag. I don’t know where they keep the Roland sample pads. They’re probably somewhere near the rest of the Vdrum stuff though. Bonus points if you did know, sighed and told them.

The Has Never Bought Anything But, Tried Everything

If you’ve ever had a friend that’s worked in a music store they’ll tell you about this guy, he comes in often, tries everything, has them get things out of back etc. He’s mostly harmless, but it has to be frustrating when you know he’s going to try it in your store then find it somewhere cheaper online…. The slightly worse version is when they don’t have great hygiene….

The Knows Nothing Guy

This guy is clueless, which would be fine if he was totally new to his instrument, but this guy can obviously play. So, how does he know so little? You know the one I mean, the doesn’t know chain order, can’t tell a P90 from a Fuzz Pedal and generally spends ages hogging the assistants time assuming the guy is his own personal wiki whilst you wait to make your quick in and out cable purchase. Yeh, there’s nothing wrong with asking questions, but do you need to know about 50 unrelated products you’re not going to buy, whilst a queue of customers mounts up.

The Awkward Beginner

Ok, so I do feel for this one. We’ve all been there; we’ve decided that we’re done messing about with our friends instrument and we’ve decided to take the plunge on buying our own and learning properly. Or just want to pick up a new skill. Maybe you were a teenager there with a parent, it doesn’t matter. You’ve seen the guitar you want; you’ve asked friends done your research and your grabbing the one you want and someone suggests you try it 1st.

But, there’s one catch, you don’t really know how to play. Well, this is plight of the awkward beginner. He wanted to get in and out, but something went wrong, now he’s amped up and awkwardly staring at the guitar willing it to play for him.

Eventually he’ll hit a couple of bum notes, do a little twiddle he’s learned or play some open chords. Declare it all sounds good and rush to the counter to pay and leave as fast as possible. For him that was basically like headlining Woodstock with no pants on. This is the one time where having the wayyy too loud guy in the store was actually a good thing. So, why is this guy annoying, well it’s more the mutual awkwardness and flashbacks that’s the annoying bit than the poor guy himself. Although maybe I’m saying more about my first time buying an amp than anything 😛

Bonus round

Anyone who plays smoke on the water……. Anyone who mangles stairway……

1 COMMENT

  1. Many years ago I spent my Saturdays working in a music store – Langdon’s Electric Music in Wolverhampton, England, slap bang in the middle of Rock and Roll central, birthplace of Ozzy, Duran Duran, UB40, ELO, Judas Priest, Dexy’s and more. We use to get loads of famous and infamous in there from Freddy (and the Dreamers) Garrity to Slade, who Peter Langdon frequently abused for playing everything and buying nothing.

    Proud of his place at the roots of Rock and Roll, Peter was a world critic on what you could play in the shop. The biggest notice on the studio wall absolutely banned anyone from playing Stairway to Heaven on pain on a slow and painful death involving drum sticks and old guitar strings. This notice was big enough to handle all the graffiti it naturally caused and still broadcast the first rule of the house.

    One peaceful Saturday Peter leapt off his stool, spilled his afternoon mug of fortified tea as the unmistakeable strains of Stairway came from the demo studio out back. Screaming and cursing and threatening imminent immolation, The Langdon rushed back to face the offender who was sitting on a drum riser right under the poster. Peter huffed and snorted for a full 20 seconds before the hairy with the leather jacket looked up with a beatific smile on his face.

    You guessed it, local boy made good… Jimmy Page.

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