Ok, so it’s called ‘top 5’, but what this means, just to be clear, is the top 5 worst offenders. The artificial, fake, corporate pop stars that tried to look and sound like the genuine article.
1. Ashlee Simpson
For a brief, horrifying moment, Ashlee Simpson began releasing music. The video for her song Boyfriend tried very, very hard to look like a genuine post-grunge style video, full of urban landscapes, stereotypically punk-looking kids, skateboards and a ‘live’ concert.
Hilariously, the video shows Ashlee driving around back streets in a black soft top, arriving at her concert just in time to sing crap about not stealing someone else’s boyfriend to a crowed of apparently adoring fans.
Ironically the song includes the line “Hollywood sucks you in but it won’t spit you out”. Of course, for Ashlee, Hollywood practically vomited her out shortly after this song was released.
I would advise not clicking on the video bellow unless you have a good sense of humour:
2. Sum 41
I think the only suitable name for what Sum 41 do is teeny punk pop. They want us to think they are a bunch of daring, outrageous dudes who rock out on guitars. Reality: clean cut, suburban boys who play catchy but ultimately vacuous tunes popular among 14 year olds.
3. Avril Lavigne
Teenage angst music for hysterical teenage girls (and boys, though most likely they won’t admit it) dressed up as serious, meaningful rock music. Avril epitomises the high maintenance rock chick; wearing ten tons of make up and designer clothes made to look shabby and grungy. She’s closer to Madonna than Courtney Love (Hole) or Kathleen Hanna (Bikini Kill, Le Tigre).
Asides from generally being an absolute asshole, Bono also seems to think he’s a rock star, perhaps because so many fools have described him as such. But let’s be clear, Bono is no rockstar. He’s a spoilt, pampered prat who disingenuously uses starving kids in Africa to boost his own public image and swell his already inflated ego. Real rockstars don’t give a f*ck and they don’t sell out – not like this!
When a bunch of kids of Texas try to do rock music and fail, this is what it looks like: ridiculous over the top videos, whiny vocals, clean guitar sounds and faux angst. They even had the gall to use the phrase “brick by brick”, as if imply they are in some way revolutionary or punk. Please.
6. Kanye West
This guy claims use of the term rock star more often than we’d care to count. At this point we’re not sure whether he’s using it metaphorically or delusional. But, then again he did claim to be “the biggest living rock star” at Glastonbury so we’re going with delusional.